‘I Can’t Live Anymore’: Heart-Wrenching Suicide Letter by Survivor of Oct. 7 Nova Massacre Revealed by Family

A survivor of the Hamas massacre at the Nova music festival on Oct. 7 who later took his own life left behind a suicide letter that was recently shared anonymously by a member of his family.

The Israeli man detailed in his Hebrew-language note his decision to commit suicide after enduring so many harrowing sights during the Hamas terrorist attack at the music festival in southern Israel, including kidnapping, murder, and the rape of a woman nearby him. He wrote about the trauma he experienced that day at the festival — where nearly 400 people were killed and approximately 40 others were kidnapped by Hamas-led Palestinian terrorists — and how he could not take living life anymore as the memories of Oct. 7 haunted him every day. He also discussed the guilt of not saving the woman being sexually assaulted near him and how that feeling of helplessness pushed him to the point of wanting to commit suicide.

In his suicide letter, he talked directly to the woman he saw being raped and then shot to death at the music festival near where he was hiding. He began his note by telling her, “Hey you, please forgive me!” He later wrote to her: “I have reached rock bottom, I can’t live anymore. Your look follows me every single day — in the shower, in my sleep, in my room. I couldn’t go back to work, I wasn’t able to.”

“I ask for your forgiveness,” he added. “I am coming to you, to the next great world, I promise to save you there and protect you. Please forgive me!” He concluded his suicide letter by telling her: “My sister is having a baby, I thought about sticking around to get to know my nephew, but I don’t think he should know the uncle that couldn’t save you. It’s okay, I’ll watch him from above.”

The Israeli man also recounted the days leading up to Oct. 7 and even how the day of the attack started pleasantly before Hamas infiltrated the music festival.

Israeli writer, activist, and speaker Hen Mazzig said on X that the suicide letter was published anonymously by the sister of the deceased in an Israeli social media group. The sister did not mention her sibling or family’s ‘s identity to maintain their privacy during this difficult time.

Read the full suicide note below, translated from Hebrew:

“Hey you, please forgive me!

It all started on Thursday, we were dancing and having fun, and come Friday — so much fun all around, seeing friends we haven’t seen in years — we all met to dance and celebrate life. Come Saturday morning, the sun begins to rise, it’s so beautiful as it starts to shine all over everyone.

We’re dancing and happy, hugging, and some of my friends start to leave. Suddenly, rockets start flying over us, I know this, this is my life — I’m from the South. But then there are paragliders — I hope nothing happens to them…

Then starts the gunfire — what is going on?

We see the truck coming, paratroopers dressed in foreign uniforms — they are killing everyone.

They just killed Shay, they killed Adi.. They’re kidnapping that girl, who is sitting there hugging her murdered boyfriend. Suddenly you run to the bushes where I sit and hide, not uttering a sound from my lips.

You’re in the bush next to me, so close, the cries gush out from within you. A terrorist is right above the bush I’m hiding in and I pray he won’t see me, I pray so hard, something I haven’t done my entire life… God can hear my prayer.

But you won’t stop crying out loud because with every second, someone gets shot and murdered.

They saw you, they’re dragging you out of the bushes. They’re four and you’re one.

You scream for help.

One of them punches you to silence you, and you try to fight them while looking towards my direction, for me to save you.

But if I step out, we will both get murdered. I want to live! I sit there silently, they start undressing you! I’m crying, I feel like I need to scream but a hand silences me! Maybe it’s the hand of God, or I don’t know who…

They turn you on your stomach and they start raping you, one by one. They turn you around again and they yell at you in English, they want you to see for yourself how they have defeated you. You try to crawl in my direction and I pray for something to happen, for someone to kill them so you can get out alive, but as you crawl towards me and they’re on top of you — the shot comes.

They murdered you, but before they murdered your body they murdered your soul.

I sat there, in the bushes, for hours, I did not come out. I saw a bottle of water next to you and I was so incredibly thirsty, but I couldn’t bear the thought that I should have saved you, so how can I be so disrespectful and drink your water?

I have reached rock bottom, I can’t live anymore. Your look follows me every single day — in the shower, in my sleep, in my room. I couldn’t go back to work, I wasn’t able to.

I’ve been to your house. I didn’t tell your parents what you’ve been through, but they’ve been told that your body was abused, I was a witness.

I ask for your forgiveness.

I am coming to you, to the next great world, I promise to save you there and protect you. Please forgive me!

And don’t worry, I left a note for my family telling them how much I love them, and thanking them for the life they gave me.

My sister is having a baby, I thought about sticking around to get to know my nephew, but I don’t think he should know the uncle that couldn’t save you.

It’s okay, I’ll watch him from above.”